You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
