Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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