I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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