can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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