if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
