pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
