I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
