Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
