Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
