I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
