A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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