Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
