somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
