By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
