he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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