she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
