All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
