guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I touched a dick in church today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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