toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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