Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
