Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
false alarm, still single
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
