I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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