All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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