Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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