Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
