Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
