I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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