I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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