he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
