so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
