god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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