What did we do last night that was yellow?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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