Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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