Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
