she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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