1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
