Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
