I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
