Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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