if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize