If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
