We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
