You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
