Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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