his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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