So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
