If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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