We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
