i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
