so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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